LUST v. LOVE: “It's not you, it's me” syndrome and why I finally decided not to run away from commitment.

Where and when do you know when lust has turned to love?

I know having expectations for a relationship doesn’t sound like love but, in my opinion, if you want to have a lasting relationship you shouldn’t be afraid to share your expectations with your partner. Like many, I believe that love is the key ingredient to a strong mutual partnership. Love towards one another should serve as the foundation for you and your partner to evolve together as a couple.  It should always be at the heart and soul of your conversations and interactions with one another.

Although, I have always believed Will and I were soul mates from the beginning, I never believed that this meant we were right for each other. There’s so much more that goes into building a lasting relationship than having that initial spark. Figuring out how to navigate through the ups and downs of life with someone else isn’t always easy, especially when your dreams require you to take separate routes to get there.

The relationship that Will and I share is pure, it’s real and it’s something that I truly cherish, but so often gets buried by the monotony of daily life and the chaos that surrounds us. We always want the best for each other and we have similar values, we fight to understand each others perspective because we both know what it feels like to be misunderstood. When I think about what my life looks like without him it hurts because at the core of what we have is truly the most humble, brave, truest love I have ever known. One that makes me feel so happy that I could cry, it makes me laugh because it’s so genuine and feel blessed because it’s so incredibly unique.

However, the love that we have is fragile. It’s something that I struggle to keep safe every single day because in truth, sometimes I don’t feel worthy to have such an amazing person to share my life with. In the past I have pushed people away because I didn’t feel ready. I believed to maintain happiness in a relationship you needed to have the two best versions of both parties at all times otherwise, content would set in and the evolution of two unique souls would stall out to something just ordinary. “That’s Crazy” you might think, but this is coming from someone who has questioned whether they believe in soul mates or the idea of monogamous relationships all together.

I am someone who is constantly dreaming, reflecting and working on myself. This is something that I initially thought was my downfall because it sometimes makes me super anxious and depressed, but I am starting to realize it may also be my greatest strength. I am definitely my own worst critic, but at the end of the day it’s important for me to constantly challenge myself because I need to know I am moving forward towards my goals.

Finding grace in the journey and putting aside my timeline has been hard for me in the past, but it is something that being in a committed relationship for over four years has taught me to value.   

Building a lasting relationship takes a little more grit once you get past the first few years of fun and excitement. It gets the “dirty end of the stick” that has to dig through each others fears and faults and shows you the brutal truths of what your life looks like without that love. It makes you want to yell, scream and say hurtful things to each other at times because at the end of the day life can be physically and emotionally exhausting. On the other hand, fighting for that relationship and sticking it out even when my heart, soul and mind are saying “Get out! get out! get out!” has actually given me so much more purpose than I ever could have imagined.

For the first time ever Will has made me think, “What if this time, just this time, I decided to stay.  What if this time, I decided to find love where I feel hate. What if this time I have that tough conversation and say those deep dark thoughts that are eating away at me and I desperately need to get off my chest?!” Maybe, just maybe, laying everything out on the table for this other person to see the most imperfect parts of myself may not be as terrifying as I had thought. It might actually be the key to finally feeling like I am worthy of a great love, one that makes me excited rather than fearful of the unknown.

It’s moments like these where we have a choice to make, fight or flight. Will you run away and avoid the difficult conversations to protect yourself from being vulnerable with your counterpart or will you lean into the adversity and bear the tough moments?

The decision is up to you.

However, I’ve learned leaning into difficulty is when we experience the most growth, both as individuals and as a pair.

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Hey There!

If you don’t know who I am, my name is Sydney. I decided I am going to start putting my thoughts and musing somewhere outside of social media. I am craving a space to expand on relevant topics, share pertinent information and feel like I have my own home on this massive “interweb” that isn’t plagued by likes, follows, hashtagging and other social media craziness. I have found that over the past couple years writing has become somewhat therapeutic for me and I would like to use this forum to document my thoughts, develop my opinions, share stories and curate my own unique content.

So, what am I all about?! Creating. I love to create even if it’s just to fail. I have always considered myself a D.I.Y girl. I believe creativity is something that makes life infinitely more interesting and fulfilling whether that be filming, editing, photography, design, writing, or cooking something up in the kitchen on a whim. I love to make things that are fun and (sometimes fancy), but most important easy! Day projects are my favorite. If I can make it in an afternoon, than I am more likely to invest my time in to it. Making something from scratch gives me a sense freedom and purpose that is truly irreplaceable. Therefore, I have created this online space to share all my creative endeavors (good or bad) and to connect with others who are interested in doing the same!!

My hope is to create a habitat for personal self growth and creative exploration that sparks conversation with other bad ass ladies trying to pursue unique careers in this rapidly growing technological world. I love and appreciate any comments and submissions and read all of them! Thank you so much for supporting my blog and checking in!

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